Socially unlubricated

'Messieurs, Dames, puis-je prende votre commande, le cocktail de la semaine est un Gin-Tonic Hibiscus' says the waiter smiling.

'Oh that sounds nice, says my friend Nancy, oh yes me too, repeats Marion, 'Oh yes, lovely, me too... me too...!' 'Ok that's a total of 4 of the weekly specials, and for you miss?' He asks turning to me, 'here are the other house specials", he continues listing an array of fabulously intoxicating sounding cocktails.

"I'll have a sparking water, with lemon if you have", I answer to a sudden silence amongst my friends, and a look of absolute disappointment for the waiter, as if my refusal to order a drink was a direct hit to him.  'Très bien,' he  then coldly utters.

Nancy turns to me and says: 'Are you ok, you're not like pregnant or something, are you?'

'No I'm just trying this thing where I don't drink for 30 days, just had a bit too much for the past few months, so I want to take it easy for a few weeks,' I respond.

'Ok, so you're not going to go out for 30 days?' She asks in almost disbelief.  'I give it 3 days before you cave', says Jerome. 

'Why wouldn't I go out?  People who don't drink go out! And thanks for the vote of confidence Jerome!' I utter back, as everyone unanimously chuckles.

As the evening went on, this scenario repeated itself 4-5 times, and every time with a discredulous look from my friends 'Come on, just one drink, it's no biggie, you're always doing these 30-day things, I mean it's not like you're an alcohlic or anything, plus this Gin thing is delicious', I heard, like a broken record on repeat.

By the time round six came around, Tom arrived, a friend I met at the gym 1 year ago when we were the only two people working out during confinement, but managed to have to take turns sharing machines. 

'Hey Tom, Andreea isn't drinking tonight, hence why she looks so sad, sad and sober. Tell him about your thing there, about the not drinking', Jerome says, almost as if he were writing a news article about it. 

The evening went on, and with every round of drinks, I was entitled to a small mockery, or tease and it made me realize just how much drinking is not only an integral part of my life, but of our social fabric or at least mine especially since moving to Paris.  It's THE thing to do after work, on a first date, before dinner, at brunch, after a museum, and it has many times over, enabled me to meet people and feel more relaxed in a new social setting/group, a form of social lubricant, and now that I wasn't drinking, I felt completely unlubricated. Jokes did not seem as funny, people did not seem as interesting and beyond that, I myself felt a little dull, and tired, and constantly thinking it was getting late once 11PM came around.

Are my friends this loud and obnoxious sounding all the time (I say that with love of course), am I, are we just not fun if we're not slightly 'alcohol-enduced happy'?  I started paying attention to how people's interactions change with every additional dose of various fermented mixtures, how everything becomes funny, how conversations suddenly turn very intense, maybe even a few tears, and then back to laughter over trivialities, and there I was, the outsider, observing. 

I think this was actually the first time, for as long as I can remember, that I was the only completely sober person at the table and I couldn't believe how differently things felt, and I admit missed the light headedness an evening like this would normally provide.

It's been 10 days, and it seems like the only activity people are up for is 'meeting up for a drink', and I'm still the only sober person at the table.  Everyone around me feels compelled to explain to the waiter, the barman, a new friend, sometimes even the people sitting next to us, that I am 'the one not drinking'.

It's a very 'sobering' experience, and that is the point of this exercise, changing habits, seeing things differently, but I did not expect it to feel like this regarding alcohol,  I have no idea how recovering alcoholics manage, I'm only doing this for 'fun', and am a little annoyed, and almost anxious before I go out because I'll be put on the spot to explain why I'm suddenly not drinking.  

I have however been sleeping alot sounder, my skin hasn't been next-day alcohol-rashy in over a week, but part of me feels a little...Dry...and I'm not exactly sure what that says about me and my normal way of interacting socially..?